My Struggles With Trust
I have many different opinions on the meaning of community. I picture a perfect community as a group of people who accepts each other like a family, and when there is a problem someone actually listens and helps. But there are several problems, these problems are that some people just don’t have the trust to share their problems or the person listening just doesn’t care enough to do anything about it. Have you ever asked someone how he or she was doing and they said they were fine but they didn’t seem fine, despite the obvious signs you keep on your way not really caring? Do we really care enough to take the time to help someone with their problems? Many people feel like they are being a burden when they try to get help; I know I feel like this a lot. Sometimes it isn’t the feeling of being a burden that is the problem; I think the real problem is trust.
I have issues with trust because I have been through some situations where people I thought were trustworthy turned around and told everyone my problems and mocked me for them. Because of these events I feel as if I can never trust anyone again.I felt as if I opened up to anyone, they would turn around and stab me in the back. This has cause me to create impossible standards for people in order for me to become more open with them. But can you blame me? Recently I have gone and am still going through some problems, I was told by people they sincerely wanted to help, I fell for the trap yet again. After talking with them about my struggles they leave and the problem does not feel resolved. I have been told it is my problem I have to face them, but what if I need support? How am I suppose to be motivated if there is no encouragement? Many times I feel as if I cannot do anything by myself. Another thing I hate hearing is the words “I know how you feel” or “I know what you are going through”. I feel like screaming “No you do not!! Because you do not know what emotions I am feeling, each person feels things differently and face problems differently”. I see many Christian use prayer as an excuse oppose to actually doing something about the situation, don’t get me wrong I do appreciate prayer but what does it accomplish if no one does anything? Talking to people feel like a temporary relief but what if something was actually done? Constantly I hear the words “Lets talk about it” but when I show up to talk about the problem the topic is not the problem. Many times people try to make you see that they have been in worse situation, you know upping the ante, but what does that fix? I just have a hard time in seeing the reason to trusting anyone, seeing that it has not accomplish anything for me, in fact most of the time it has caused me more pain and trouble than before. This problem created a hard shell around my heart, I never devoted myself to anything, and I just didn’t care about life or my future. I was just living day-by-day with no goals and no feelings for anyone. I lived almost everyday of my life with a false smile on my face and I sometimes still do. I just don’t have the feeling that I can’t trust people with my problems and I think that they will just make things a lot worse. It seems that whenever I confronted someone about a problem and they say they will change there is only one day were things seem to get better, but after that one day everything goes back to the same old problems. So I can’t trust anyone to make a serious change and I give up. I gave up on a lot of people when I shouldn’t have and I wish I can go back to change things. In Proverbs 28:26 it says “He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe” this verse struck me hard, because for a long time the only person I trusted was myself and I faded away from everyone around me. But now I have accepted the mistakes I have made and I strive to be a person who cares. Whenever some one has a problem I don’t want then to go through what I have and make the same mistakes I did, I am willing to be the help that person needs.
If we truly care about other we will be honest and trustworthy and not just act like we care, I mean truly care for others. We are the hands and feet of Christ and we need to take action, not only pray, in helping others. Show that we care enough to do something and not just say we will. Put yourself in Peter’s shoes as Jesus asks him if he loves him. When Peter answers yes, Jesus told him to care for his sheep. We Christians are Jesus’ sheep and we need to care for one another like Christ cared for us. The parable of the sheep and goats is another way of Jesus telling us that we should care for one another. I know that I will still struggle with this trust issue, but I also know I don’t have to do it alone and no one should. My goal now is to make sure that no one goes through what I have and I will do everything that I can to prevent this from happening to someone else. I am offering the option to learn from my mistakes, so you won’t have to go through the struggles and the pain yourself.
