Worship
I have been increasingly frustrates with the way I have seen worship carried out. I feel that while I am in church services, I get lost in the word being spoken; this isn’t the good kind of lost, this is when my mind wonders anywhere but God. I can’t seem to be able to take a sermon seriously. I think it is that I don’t see anyone in the church doing anything radical for Christ, so I feel awkward doing things by myself; I am a person who loves being with groups and doing group activities. Now I know that is a weakness that I need to overcome, sometimes you have to be the first to begin something big. Now I have been unsatisfied with the way I worship. I just don’t feel anything special or I don’t get excited watching a preacher quote the bible behind a pulpit; this may excite some other people but it just does not work for me. I have even thought about leaving the church I have been going to for so long to find a fix for the hollowness of my faith, but I realized that anywhere I go it will be the same. I have to overcome this personally. As I have been going through my first year of college; attending chapel is mandatory and many people hate it. I specifically like Wednesday and Friday chapel. It is during those day, as thousands of college student sing praise and glorifying God, I feel like I am actually worshiping. As I read inspirational books, trying to find a meaning of worship, more and more questions arise and I feel more and more unsatisfied with my relationship with God. I want to strengthen it. But then my college minister quoted someone ,and the quote goes something like this, ” A tree never stops growing, if it does it has died” he then said “I hope your growth in your relationship with God never stops growing and you never become satisfied with your relationship”. I have been pondering these words because part of me wants to be finish with that challenge, but I know there is no way to be completely satisfied in this world. I feel like I have just entered a never ending race and have ran into a wall within the first 5 miles. To continue I have to be uncomfortable but happy, and this is very contradicting. I have entered the repeating circle of chasing after the meaning of worship, I am running in circles and only getting a taste of the true worship, and this taste doesn’t last long at all but it is very addicting. But after I get these tastes of worship questions pop into my mind: Is this “the” way to worship? How do we know which way is right? How can the Church be so torn apart and ignorant as still worship? I just can’t understand how the way I worship can be pleasing to a God that breathes stars. This God created me; a selfish, constantly questioning, and sinful person and he sent his son who was willing to die for my sins. How are words or anything I do worthy enough in his eyes? I want to live my life for Him but I am constantly stumbling and failing, I don’t see any way of becoming anything as near Christ-like. I am going to take the first steps of embarking on journey to finding out how to truly worship, this is going to be a life-long journey and I will probably never finish, but I want to get as close as I can. My question to you is: Will you walk with me on this adventure?
